C always hated my social media usage, perhaps excessive usage, and he warned me in 2009 I think that am getting addicted to the digital world, I didn’t pay attention, and I always told him how boring he is for not being on social media. He has kept his FB there only because some house parties or trips are planned and communicated nowadays via FB group messages and he has been in trouble before for not knowing what was happening unless I tell him and sometimes boys parties I don’t get to know and he gets annoyed people use social media to communicate. But then he is forced to use it ;). Tsk tsk.
I have some very well defined hypocrisies within me, wink wink, mainly having a thing for men who take selfies ( well sometimes when you are in front of a waterfall perhaps you will capture the moment, you know what I mean). But you know men who take selfies a lot( maybe not like me but something like me) and it turns me off or rather they can never be my type. There I said it. Mofos I said it. :). Also men who are obsessed with cars, and cloths and appearance, and who never miss a shiny surface to look at themselves are not my type either. Well feels like am talking about Atticus my hero. But there are men like him as well in this world. And I realize I really have been carried away by ” Painkili”/Yellow narratives of Love and romance, and I sometimes despise myself for falling for all that, but then it was good to be pampered and adores I guess, wink again, I liked the idea of being adored and worshipped but I think in reality I prefer someone I can respect rather than someone who is weak and a merchant of lost dreams and mess . OH damn! Oh damn! Words words words! I am thankful for all the love I endured still, I am sad for breaking hearts on the way, I finally feel like not running anymore. I have been so unforgiving to many a people, friends/lovers/family….that I have inevitably hurt them by being so single-minded about their failures. I can only thank for all the love and care and correct myself for all the hurt I have given. Sigh! Oh Sigh! But now it all feels like we are all settling down and our feet are on the earth. The only person who has always let me go and set me free, for me to fly back to him, like a white butterfly is C. He has never blackmailed me with emotions or failures or threats of suicide or absconding or anything ever. Always asked me to make my choices and he stood by it even when it is not in favour of him. Sometimes his strength and clarity makes me insecure, but then people should be with you by choice not by dependency or to prove something to the world or such flimsy reasons yes?
So anyway this new year, I was surprised to see a rather odd gift from C, which was an Instagram account, – fuck it V here is an account where I will upload my favourite pics of you. I bet he did it only for me and I feel sad and happy about it. Here it is, I wish he uploaded the videos and pics he clicks, he doesn’t bother to, his photography seems to be only about clicking and post that he forgets about it. Strange strange boy!