I am no one to proclaim anything about relationships or marriages, nor anybody should I feel, as every relationship is unique, as every individual is unique, but thought I will share what I feel and have thought about perhaps in a non personal way as much as I can. There is no mantra for a good relationship or marriage. I use both the terms together as I feel without marriage also there is commitment between two people and what matters is that commitment to each other be it married or not.
I have always had my reservations about marriage as an institution, where lot of regressive social memes are perpetuated through marriages in our society like patriarchy, male child preferring phenomena, dowry system, religious, caste and class purity etc. Marriage should not be institutionalized, nor should be a way to use power on communities, but should only be about two people and their dear ones perhaps? The choice by two people to share their lives together is a commitment for partnership which can work without even without marriage. Marriage in my mind is a social celebration once you have decided to live with a person. If you do not prefer a celebration I presume that is also fine. There is no hard and fast rule is what I have always felt.
But what takes a relationship to last and make it a happy one I have always wondered. It would be futile to think that relationships are ideal and naturally will grow if two people love each other. Love is not enough, sometimes love is not right either, but more than love, compromises which brews out of love and care nurtures relationships. Act of doing things together and having conversations nurtures bonding. There is healthy hypocrisy as well, such as one one likes waking up late, and the other wakes up early, division of labor and responsibilities etc as long as they are properly aligned and agreed between two people in the partnership life would be much simpler and happier. The ups and downs are part of interpersonal relationships, be it any relationship, with your parents, your sister, your kids, your lover/husband. If you can accept and sync on the fundamental values of life rest all should be just adjusting and compromising for greater happiness which is to grow old together with a person.
People lament that relationships do not have any commitment till people are married, which I presume is a very narrow minded view of relationships. If there is no feeling of commitment then why celebrate your relationship as a marriage day I have always wondered. There is no switch before and after marriage, perhaps one should decide to marry only when you really sure this is the person you want to spend your lives with. I am all for live in relationships or to spend as much time together knowing a person before making a social commitment. Marriage should only be a celebration I feel than a forced institution by society. And I hope our youth will take their own path into rationalising relationships the way they want.
As marriages and relationships, the antithesis, breakups and divorces are also important for a healthy society. People should be able to walk out of marriages if there is no hope for happiness. Hence it is important to get into a commitment only if you are really sure about a person. Well you can only be sure enough, but the motto of life to hurt fellow beings as less as we can should help us not take interpersonal relationships as a trivial thing. Interpersonal relationships gives us identities, the models people have about us in their brains makes our self to them. It is important we consider others all times, and same goes to relationships where ego should be defied and compromises and healthy sacrifices thrive for a positive way of life.
There will be things you might not agree, but as long as you can work out a strategy to work around disagreement without hurting each other it should all be easier and positive. How could you hurt ones you love anyway knowingly? Nurture your relationship, water it daily, be there for people, do things together, cook together, share and divide labor and happiness, communicate, be creative together as a family and I feel we will be happier and be able to cope life in a much better way in the rat race of life modern times has put us into.Life is short , try to be happy and engaged, keep true people close, actively make every day full with conversations and activities and walks and speak to each other. And live and let live, wait and hope.