At every step I was hurting myself and others for no apparent reason whatsoever. I am not trying to wash away my mistakes. I am trying to redeem those moments which I lost and relive the memories and take out all the negative flavors I myself had added to my life. But then I guess every little girl feels lonely as a child and out of place as a teenager and many a times you long for a miracle to take you out of your insecurities. When you are young it is usually dreams about the ultimate lover that would take you away to a far away land of fairies and rainbows and wipe all your tears…someone who is there strong and solid for you. Running away from everything solid complicated my youth…and I let go the very solid foundation of my soul I let go the only solid thing which I was clinging on for strength…drifted away hurting people and breaking hearts… and it took a lot of effort and soul searching within me to make me appreciate my life and what I have in my hand than chasing something beyond everything. Rest of my life will be to cherish those lovely memories I had with few wonderful people whom I came across and to live and love the people who love you and keep you going now.
When I think about my life journey at this very moment I realize with lot of pain and agony that I have always been pushing people away from me or have always been running away from people who truly loved me for weird and wonderful reasons which I still cannot explain or rationalize. But time waits for no man and days lost are forever lost…and my glass is already half empty. Rest of my life I will be striving hard to make my glass full and maybe some day I will be at peace with my life. I have stopped running and chose to walk and live life in a simple and less complicated manner. Everybody out there if you have your running shoes on wait a moment to take a fresh breath and understand that time and failed moments and lost love are gone forever. Walk the journey of life with love and compassion…that is the answer to all your questions and a solid reason to stop running.
Quote: ” Every night I cut out my heart. But in the morning it was full again. ” The english patient.